I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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