At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
