Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
