There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
