Duck Duck Cougar?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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