I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
