so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
