I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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