You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
