i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
