Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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