Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
