I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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