he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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