I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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