I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
