So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
