About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
