everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
