Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
