I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
