She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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