You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
