The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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