I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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