first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
