When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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