Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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