I'm jealous of your bromance
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
