If that was your dad, he is hot
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
