he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
