I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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