ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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