I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
