just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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