Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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