My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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