I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
