how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There's even glitter on my cock...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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