she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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