I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They took my balls.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
