No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
