I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
