he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize