Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my sisters under your porch take her home
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
