Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
