Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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