if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it glows. i had to have it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
