I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
