Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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