Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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