One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
