So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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