i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My balls are so social today.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
