It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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