hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
