If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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