Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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