i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
