69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
