Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
