Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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