what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
