Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
